SUNDAY RUNDOWN – THAT’S WHAT SHE READ

book haul, books, currently reading, DC, guy fawkes, history, Netflix, recently watched, Star Wars, stranger things, wonder woman
Remember, remember the fifth of November, 
Gunpowder treason and plot. We see no reason Why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot! 


As I write, I’m surrounded by the sound of fireworks going off in every direction. To be honest, I have mixed feelings about Bonfire Night. I enjoy fireworks as much as the next person but, as someone who loves being indoors, I am slightly apposed to the idea of being stood in the dark and cold for a long period of time. Still, despite having only had about 4 hours sleep on Friday night, I dragged myself out of the house to watch our local display. It was pretty fun and I’m glad I went. Even if I still find it weird that we all happily celebrate the attempted murder and subsequent torture of a load of people in 1605. Like, “oh yeah, Catholics had it so bad that they were driven to try to blow people up before they were found and violently killed. Let’s all stand around having a great time.” Anyway, I’ve discussed this issue enough today so let’s get on with the rundown.
Weekly Bookish Post

  • TBR? More like WTF!

I may have veered away from helpful slightly in last week’s bookish post but I just needed a quick rant about how little I appreciate the Bookstagram obsession with the TBR. Read more about it here.

Currently Reading

  • Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead
I’ve had a stupidly busy week so I have to confess that I didn’t actually get round to reading anything this week. I’m planning on really getting back into this book asap because it’s so good. I can’t wait to see where it goes.

Recently Purchased 
  • Treason by James Jackson

This week I was a bit inspired by the time of year and having just watched the BBC show Gunpowder. When I saw this on Amazon I couldn’t resist. It’s a fictional account of the Gunpowder plot of 1605 and it looks really exciting. I’m a bit of a lover of history: I definitely would have studied it at university if I hadn’t loved books quite so bloody much. As such, I adore novels that base themselves in specific historical events and take a fictional slant on it. If it’s done well then it can be magical.

  • Wonder Woman: Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo

This is one of those books that I’ve had my eye on for a while but never got because I was a bit scared. As you may be aware by now, I’m not a big lover of the majority of YA fiction. I tend to avoid authors that are primarily YA writers because I know the likelihood of me enjoying it is small. However, I enjoyed this year’s Wonder Woman film so much that I just wanted to check this out. I so hope it’s worth it.

  • Rogue One: A Star Wars Story by Alexander Freed

This is another one of those books that I’ve been contemplating for a while. I think Rogue One is the best Star Wars film to be released after the original trilogy and was really interested to read the novelisation. I’ve heard it really adds to the story and gives some much needed development to each character. However, I did quite enjoy the fact that we know very little about each character in the film because, really, it didn’t matter who they were. That’s just the fact of war I guess. 

Recently Watched 
  • Netflix Binges: Stranger Things
So, I’ve been experiencing some Stranger Things withdrawal since I finished season 2. I’ve grown rather fond, okay creepily fond, of Hopper and miss having his beardy face in my life. So earlier this week I made the decision to start watching the entire show from the beginning. I actually forgot a bunch of stuff that happened so it might have been better to rewatch before my season 2 binge but we live and learn. And frankly, as long as David Harbour is there then I’m hooked. This week the latest season of The Great British Bake Off ended so I’ve been looking for a new cake based form of entertainment to take its place. Thankfully, Netflix introduced me to my new favourite show Zumbo’s Just Desserts. It’s insane and so fucking hard. I love it!

Tuesday’s Reviews – Wonder Woman (2017)

Chris Pine, comic book, comic books, DC, films, fuck yeah, Gal Gadot, reviews, Robin Wright, superhero, women

If you’d asked me how I felt when the Wonder Woman film was first announced I would probably have told you I didn’t give a shit. I was never really into the character, despite my love of badass women, and my limited view just made her seem a bit campy and annoying. Then there’s the issue of an endless stream of disappointing DC films. Man of Steel and Dawn of Justice were both just too dark and completely thoughtless. Then Suicide Squad ruined the chance to be something different and fun by being completely obvious and uninspiring. So, yeah, maybe thanks to their insane love of Zack fucking Snyder I was kind of convinced that DC would somehow fuck this up. Wonder Woman had a lot to live up: it’s the first comic book movie about a female superhero. They beat Marvel at showing a woman being awesome front and centre. It needed to be good. With their track record I couldn’t help but feel that was unlikely… but then again I’m old and cynical by now.
Question: how many times did I actually cry during Wonder Woman? Answer: 1. Question: how many times did I nearly cry during Wonder Woman? Answer: a bazillion. From the moment I started tearing up during the opening scene depicting strong Amazonian women training for battle I knew this film was for me. Finally, a female-led superhero film that shows how strong women can be whilst still remaining feminine. I was instantly hooked. It looked like this was going to be the film I’d wanted: somewhere where women can kickass and show they can do whatever their male counterparts can do. Which is probably why this film takes so many pointers from previous superhero films. Just like Captain America: The First Avenger we travel back in time to World War 1 to see where the breakout character of Dawn of Justice came from. Like Thor we become immersed in a world of Gods and great warriors before being planted firmly in a realm away from mankind. Finally, there are plenty of nods to Richard Donner’s classic Superman films.

However, Wonder Woman is a key film in its own right as it is the first female-led superhero film by either big comic book distributor. Yes, there have been attempts to cater for women in the world of comic book movies but the less said about either Catwoman or Elektra the better. Diana Prince, aka Wonder Woman, has the weight of Hollywood on her shoulders as she attempts to prove that women have a place in superhero films. Not just front and centre but in the audience too. There is still an obscene generalisation that it is only men who enjoy action films, which in this day and age if frankly an absurd thing to claim. Thankfully, with Patty Jenkins and the insanely amazing Gal Gadot at the helm, Wonder Woman has smashed all kinds of records to, hopefully, show that 2017 was the moment women made their presence felt in the world of comic book movies.

To briefly sum up the narrative before my endless appreciation of this film: Diana is one of an island of Amazons who were created by Zeus to protect mankind from Ares, the God of War. After Zeus dies attempting to overthrow Ares, the Amazons are sent to a secluded island, Themyscira to hide. They spend their time training for the inevitable battle when Zeus final gift, the God Killer, will vanquish their foe forever. Diana, daughter of the island’s Queen Hippolyta (Connie Nielsen) wants to fight but is forbidden by her mother. She is trained, in secret, by Antiope (Robin Wright) until she becomes the greatest fighter the island has ever seen. Just in time, as it happens, because war comes to Themyscira in the form of an American pilot and the fleet of German soldiers chasing him. Diana suspects Ares is the reason humanity if at war and, with the pilots help, goes to the frontline to confront and kill him. There’s also the obligatory romance because, really, what kind of woman can go to war and not fall in love?

Wonder Woman may owe a lot to the films of Richard Donner but it has so much fun subverting them that it becomes a whole new thing. Instead of the dashing heroic man saving the damsel in distress, we see the strong, beautiful woman leaping into danger with the puppy-dog eyed pilot lolloping after her. Not that Chris Pine could be accused to lolloping, of course. We clearly have a flipped arrangement of the classic Clark Kent and Lois Lane relationship going on here and its great. More than that, actually, because Pine’s American Spy, Steve Trevor, has some depth to him. He’s not just the Jane Foster of Wonder Woman; he has his own story arc and everything. Steve has to overcome his own demons about the war whilst also casting his sometimes sarcastic eye over Diana’s way of life. What Chris Pine is essentially doing here is WW1 Captain Kirk but, hey, if it works it works.

Steve is more than a match for the Amazonian Princess, Diana, who absolutely sizzles on screen thanks to Gal Gadot’s portrayal. Diana is both terrifyingly strong and noble whilst being incredibly naive and tender. We knew from Dawn of Justice that the ex-Israeli military woman could handle the action sequences with ease but here she proves that she has the talent to bring the character to life. She is brave, sweet, moral and, though we’ve seen it countless times, an adorable fish out of water. She is also, more importantly, funny. A trait that has been sadly lacking in the DCEU for its last 3 films. The visual and narrative links to Clark Kent are numerous, even down to the clothes that Diana uses to remain incognito in WW1 era London, but it all just works.

Wonder Woman is a film that relishes in tackling the excitement of a comic book movie by ensuring the action scenes are over-the-top and visually stunning. However, it does fall into the comic book movie trap of having a final battle scene that just becomes a heavily CGI’d, garish affair. The final 30 minutes of this film drag and lose the glorious momentum of the previous film. My one criticism is that Wonder Woman is so bogged down in Greek mythology. The rest of the film is kind of silly, very important and glorious celebration of the character and women in general. The hunt for Ares just drags it down into the murky, dark waters currently housing every Zack Snyder film ever made. It’s too much. I would have been happy if Diana and co. just kept rescuing innocent people from German soldiers.

Wonder Woman is the perfect DC film. It overshadows its predecessors and shows them just how easy it could be. It offers important messages about female empowerment and feminism whilst also addressing that pesky subject of humanity doing terrible things to each other. I didn’t expect to enjoy this film but I’m happy to eat my own words. This is one of the best films I’ve seen all year. Gal Gadot is my ultimate hero and Robin Wright is the biggest badass of all time. I sat through this film with a massive grin on my face… until the finale. But, still, it’s a wonder to behold.

TBT – Batman and Robin (1997)

Batman, comic books, DC, fucking awful, fucking stupid, George Clooney, hated it, silly, TBT

I’m so tired right now. I’ve had a string of early shifts this week and it’s killing me. Tomorrow is my last day before I have a week off and I can’t wait. I just need to sleep for a week. I have no plans and, quite frankly, it’s a delightful thought. Still, before I can start to relax too much I have to get tomorrow over and done with. And before I can get work finished I have to go to bed. And before I do that I have to finish this review. God, why did I leave this to the last minute again? I was getting so much better with my schedule. So, this is no doubt going to be terrible and rushed but it’s an idea I’ve been thinking about all week. So let’s just get on with it.

Apparently, back in 2010 Batman and Robin was officially named the worst film ever by readers of Empire magazine. I mean, I know it’s a terrible film, that’s not something I’m going to argue with, but “the worst” film ever made? That seems a bit melodramatic. I’ve since loads of films I’d rather watch less than I’d watch Batman and Robin. Plus, a lot of the arguments against Joel Schumacher’s second time adapting the adventures of the Caped Crusader onto the screen revolve around it being a killer of a successful franchise. When it was released this would have been true but you can hardly say that now. Without Joel Schumacher there would, realistically, have been no Christopher Nolan. It took a film so desperately bad and stupid for people to say “we need a new, darker Dark Knight”. Batman and Robin is the Joker to The Dark Knight‘s Batman. And don’t people really love the Joker?

Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that this film is full of redeeming features. This isn’t like the time I tried to defend the prequels to you all. I’m not stupid. I know this film is bad. However, I’m here to argue that is falls into the category of ‘so bad it’s good’. Everything about this film is trying to get me to hate it but I just can’t. It makes me cringe but in the same way that people really seem to like about The Inbetweeners. You know that everything happening before your eyes is bad and should be stopped. Can you stop watching it though? I can’t.

Of course, I’m not a fucking moron. This film is downright bad. It was a misguided attempt to turn the character of Batman into a cartoon character that would appeal to children and create loads of money through merchandising. It was film-making for all the wrong reasons and Joel Schumacher was too arrogant to see that he couldn’t pull it off. Batman, as fans of the comic books are always ready to remind us, is serious business. This film is like a fucking toy advert that makes Adam West’s television series look like a bloody Shakespeare play. It’s bad. The batsuit nipples, the bat credit card, Alicia Silverstone, Mr Freeze, Uma Thurman, Chris O’Donnell, Bane. I could sit here just typing out everything single person or inanimate object that appears in this movie because it’s all just awful.

However, I can’t help but like this film just a little bit. I mean doesn’t it kind of fill you with joy that a film could be made that’s quite this bad? There are barely any (and that’s being too nice) redeeming features of this film which, in itself, is a bit of a redeeming feature. It’s the same mentality I have about Mama Mia. I hate that film with every fibre of me being but I sometimes have a huge desire to sit there and watch it. Why? Because it’s so fucking bad and that’s kind of comforting. I think we live in what could be described as a Golden Age of Hollywood where actors are getting better, scripts are getting more intelligent and well-written, and directors are finding new ways to knock our socks off. So, when one major fuck up slips through the cracks you have to kind of love it. It’s like those contestants that somehow get through to the live rounds on X Factor despite having no real talent. The audience loves them because they are so bad.

But that’s not the only reason to love it. Batman and Robin is camp and shitty, undoubtedly. But it’s meant to be camp and shitty. It plays off against the super dark Tim Burton offerings to get back to the unintentionally camp and shitty 60s show… on purpose. If nothing else, you have to admire the fact that Joel Schumacher sees Batman for what he kind of is. Yes, the comic book character is dark and gritty and everything. But there has always been an inherent silliness to the character. He’s a billionaire who dresses like a fucking bat. He has loads of bat related toys, gadgets and vehicles. That’s always been silly. This just puts that at the forefront instead of pretending this is all just very cool and realistic. The reason this film is so reviled is not because it is truly “the worst film ever” but because it’s the worst Batman film ever. For awful comic book fans that’s the worst thing in the world.

They need to chill the fuck out. Now, I love Tim Burton’s Batman films more than any other films that have been made about Bruce Wayne and his alter ego. But I have to admit that there are some improvements here. These feel more self-aware and less bogged down with u necessary tension. George Clooney makes a pretty decent and not-someone-you-instantly-want-to-punch-in-the-face kind of Bruce Wayne. Yes, he’s not great but he brings a softer and more human side to the character. It’s nice. This is the one of the few versions of Bruce Wayne that you might actually want to have a beer with. These positives aren’t anything to write home about but they’re something.

I’m not going to pretend this film is good: it’s not. It fails at being a comedy, it fails at being dramatic, it fails at telling a decent story, and it fails at creating interesting characters with interesting arcs. It is the results of three or four small plots being sewn together by someone who has never seen a needle and thread before. However, it does succeed in being terrible. Which, quite frankly, is not nothing. It’s something. And it’s something that demands to be remembered every now and then. Because, how else will we all remember Arnie telling us it’s “ice to see you”?

Tuesday’s Reviews – Lego Batman (2017)

animated, animation, Batman, Channing Tatum, DC, films, fucking beautiful, fucking funny, Lego, Ralph Fiennes, review, silly, Will Arnett, Zach Galifianakis

Let’s be honest, Batman has something of a chequered history when it comes to live action adaptations of the comic book character. Aside from the supremely cheese but colourful television show of the 1960s and the best forgotten Joel Schumacher films of the late 90s, the Dark Knight has provided something of a literal interpretation. The films created by Tim Burton, Christopher Nolan and, Zack Synder are all part of that super cool, edgy and moody brand of superhero film. Batman has long since shed the image of his cartoony caper when Adam West was the man behind the cowl and has transformed himself into an angsty longer who most probably listens to MCR and muttering about people just don’t “get him”. So, when Lego Batman, voiced by the supremely funny Will Arnett, became the breakout star of the 2014 The Lego Movie nobody was sure how his solo outing would fit within Batman’s canon. Especially cause, as we know from the past, comic book fans are massive dicks about this kind of thing. A colourful, family friendly and comedy filled story is hardly on a even playing field with the politically heavy and mature narratives on display in Nolan’s trilogy. After all, the sillier that Batman became the more his fans complain. I mean are we still not ready to admit that there is something so gleefully bad about Batman and Robin that we kind of don’t completely hate it? No? Okay then.


I was excited about Lego Batman and I could never understand the people I met who weren’t. The signs were all there that it could end up being magnificent. The Lego Movie was great, Will Arnett is always super funny and Lego leads to so many possibilities. Like all the other Lego video games I’ve played over the years, the Lego Batman one were full of in-jokes and silliness that made my heart leap. The only thing that could go wrong are the fans. As we’ve seen before, there are certain Batman fans out there that take their shit very seriously. They don’t like the idea of someone taking the caped crusader and making a mockery out of him. Which, when you think about it, is kind of silly considering what he’s put himself through over the years. He is an ageing billionaire who dresses up at night and plays with expensive toys in the streets of Gotham. If that doesn’t deserve even some gentle ribbing then I don’t know what does.

And Lego Batman is full of references to the character’s past. There are multiple references to the comics as well as each film adaptation and the, now, infamous television series. We see flashbacks to previous costumes and mentions of iconic moments. We are in no doubt that this is supposed to be the same characters who, as he points out himself, has aged remarkably well since his first appearance. There will be people who will fan this continual fan service annoying and will become irritated by the endless in-jokes and self-parody. I, however, have always been one of those people that loves it when these Easter Eggs appear.

Of course, none of this means that Lego Batman doesn’t know who it’s main audience is. There are plenty of jokes for the older members of the audience who remember where Batman has come from. However, it is, at its heart, is a children’s film. It is filled with the same sort of action and adventure that the first one offered and it hammers home its major theme with exuberant force. That moral being “it’s better to face things together than alone”. After all, Batman is the solo hero who never plays well with others and avoids significant relationships. There is a beautiful moment, after he has once again saved Gotham, where Bruce Wayne sits alone in his mansion eating Lobster and watching Jerry Maguire. He doesn’t celebrate with her super-friends but microwaves his dinner and reminisces about his dead parents. He’s sad, wounded but has too great an ego to realise it.

Until he finds himself unwillingly taking on partners. When Commissioner Jim Gordon retires at the start of the film his daughter Barbara (Rosario Dawson) offers the masked vigilante a chance to work with the police instead of against them. He, unsurprisingly ignores this offer and, when his nemesis the Joker (Zach Galifianakis) hands himself and his evil colleagues over to the police, Batman, against Barbara’s better judgement, decides it is time to rid the world of Mr J once and for all. When sending him to the Phantom Zone only results in the escape of every famous villain of film, television and literature Batman must finally accept help to get things back to normal.

All the while Bruce must come to terms with his issues with family when he accidentally adopts an orphaned boy, Dick Grayson (Michael Cera). Alfred (Ralph Fiennes), his father figure and butler, thinks it will help him to accept the boy but Batman just uses him in the same way the Lego Star Wars games used young Anakin: to get into small spaces. The back and forth between Batman and Robin is fantastic and their relationship is a perfect melding of both sides of the coin. We have a sidekick who is straight out of the 60s TV show and a brooding hero that has more in common with Christian Bale than Adam West.

There are moments when Lego Batman loses its grip slightly and some jokes that just don’t land properly. There is an awful lot going on and a huge range of characters to contend with. A usual criticism of super hero movies is the final act when the big bad is suddenly joined by more big bads to up the tension. Here, we see every possible bad buy stepping forward to cause chaos and, whilst the end results is exciting as fuck, it proves to be a tricky thing to pull off. It doesn’t quite work on a visual basis and there are perhaps one too many irons in the fire. However, I feel as though it’s worth it for Eddie Izzard’s Lord Voldemort and Jermaine Clement’s Sauron. The final action piece is another of those moments that has so much fan-service to contend with that the story gets lost a little. It could have done with some refining.

Watching Lego Batman is not the same as watching The Lego Movie. But it’s not supposed to be. This isn’t a sequel and it has dropped several of the themes that made the previous film so refreshing and original. It is, instead, a celebration of an iconic character using the same beautiful animation and propensity for fun that it’s predecessor was so loved for. This is a Batman film like we’ve not see before. In a sea of endless bleakness where Bruce Wayne is concerned, this film puts him back in the fun zone and shows us that superheroes don’t need to take themselves so seriously, Who else but Will Arnett could get away with rapping his way to victory? Not Christian Bale that’s for sure. Unlike everything we’ve been programmed to believe, Lego Batman shows us, once and for all, that silliness is best and being broody and dark is not the best way to achieve anything. Wouldn’t you rather microwave Lobster for four instead of one? This isn’t the Batman we know but he is the one we deserve. And, after the abysmal Batman vs Superman, he’s also the one we desperately need right now.

TBT – Batman (1989)

Batman, comic books, DC, Jack Nicholson, Michael Keaton, superhero, TBT, Tim Burton

Everyone has their favourite incarnation of Bruce Wayne. After this years Batman vs Superman some may well say Batffleck is their number one and even I have to admit that he was ABS-olutely fantastic in the role. Then there are those fucking idiots that will say Christian Bale is the top dog. However, that just goes to prove that people are easily pleased and that Christopher Nolan can make anyone look better than they are. There’s a reason that Heath Ledger is the main thing people talk about when they discuss the Dark Knight trilogy: Christian Bale is so forgettable in the role the supporting characters outshine him. I also imagine, because human beings continue to surprise me, that there are those who prefer the nippley George Clooney and Val Kilmer. Of course, we all know that they are probably mentally unstable or have only seen Joel Schumacher’s two films. Now when it comes to the ultimate Batman there can only be one real winner. Yes, my favourite and, by association, the Number 1 big screen portrayal of Gotham’s vigilante is Michael Keaton. Tim Burton’s Batman and the slightly superior Batman Returns are just amazing. Which is why I’m going to talk about the first of them this week.

We owe a lot to Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman film. Let’s be honest, before that came along the caped crusader was best known as the homoerotic and super cartoony Adam West version. You know the colourful chap who hung about with a boy in super tight and super tiny shorts. It was Tim Burton and co. who let the world see a darker and more serious version of the hero who would only get darker and more serious as the years went by. It came out during a time when the likes of Frank Miller and Alan Moore were taking part in a graphic novel overhaul for the character and bringing him into a grittier world than he was used to. However, when it came to those outside of comic book circles, Batman was still that camp 1960s show that was something to laugh and cringe along with. Which is why, when it was announced that 1980s comic actor Michael Keaton was to take the role comic book fans were filled with such a murderous rage. It seemed like Burton was taking a step backwards.

Of course, as we know now, that all changed when the film was released. Tim Burton brought his Gothic edge to the world of Batman and showed the world a different side to the infamous vigilante. We open on a version of Gotham that is in the middle of an economic and social downturn. Things are difficult for the people of the city and crime is taking over. This isn’t the 1960s circus town that we were used to. Batman was angry and covered in black, Robin was nowhere to be seen, and the Joker was leaving bodies in his wake. Suffice it to day, this wasn’t the Batman that cinema goers were used to. This was a version of the hero that spoke about the decade in which he appeared and the story spoke of the troubles that many saw facing society at the time.

As such, the film is less about Batman than it is about aesthetics and socio-political messages. The story doesn’t really follow the comics and there are several infamous moments that have infuriated comic book fans for years. However, that doesn’t mean it’s not a good film. There is something great about this film, which is probably helped by the fact the superhero wasn’t the main focus. There is something very real about the whole thing and the classic fairy tale narrative of good vs evil is timeless in a way that perhaps Christopher Nolan’s works aren’t. This isn’t the story of who Batman is or why he decided to dress up as a bat one day. It is the story of an ordinary man fighting against the great evils that are plaguing society. It speaks to everyone.

Now, I’d be lying if I said this film was perfect because it isn’t. There are several things that could be better and a handful of subplots that could be dispensed with entirely. The Vikki Vale/Joker connection seemed tacked on and the Prince soundtrack does kind of feel out-of-place. Still, there is a great deal to love about this film. It comes down to the basic principle of good vs evil but explores the idea further by revealing that the Joker was the person who killed Batman’s parents. In this sense, the Joker created Batman and Batman helped create a world where the Joker could thrive. This isn’t just a fight but a reciprocal relationship. It’s a revelation that won’t please comic fans in the slightest but is something I have also felt to be a fascinating twist to the tale.

Batman set out a solid environment for the further growth of the hero and his desire to save his city.  It paved the way for the better film Batman Returns 3 years later whilst still being a great film in its own right. It was basically the X-Men of it’s day.  Yes it doesn’t boast the best narrative or script of the many adaptations that have appeared since but it gave us a truly inspirational portrayal of the man behind the mask. Michael Keaton is fantastic in the role and, despite existing in a world full of action heroes like Sylvester Stallone and Arnie, genuinely looks like a playboy who suddenly decided to fight crime. I also happen to prefer Jack Nicholson’s Joker. I know that’s probably one of the most controversial things I’ve ever said on this blog (and there’s been a few) but it’s true. Yes, he may seem quaint and camp when compared to Heath Ledger but he inhabits everything that I understood about the Joker. He’s crazy and homicidal but he also just wants to have fun. Something that Tim Burton and co. are also happy to do in the midst of all the death and despair. This film doesn’t deserve to be overshadowed by more modern adaptations. It’s too fucking good.

Tuesday’s Reviews – Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice

Amy Adams, Batman, Ben Affleck, comic book, DC, films, fucking awful, fucking stupid, Jesse Eisenberg, meh, review, superhero, Superman, waste of time, Zack Snyder

I really don’t want to write this review. I’ve sat with it open ever since I got home from work and I’ve not managed to come up with anything. If I’m honest, I never actually wanted to watch this fucking film. I mean Man of Steel was just dreadful and proved that Zac Snyder really should have called it quits on comic book movies after Watchmen was only hated by a handful of people. Those of you who were around at the time of my review of the first of Snyder’s Superman films will remember that, aside from it being badly written and really fucking long, it wasn’t exactly complimentary. I just didn’t get Snyder’s vision for the most popular alien in the DCEU. Still, those photos of Ben Affleck looking super buff got me interested and I finally decided it was time to watch it. I was a big fan of the Batffleck before watching this film so it would be just like Snyder to fuck that up for me too. I decided it was right to watch the Ultimate Edition and, after a gruelling day at work, I sat down for a gruelling 3 hours of muted tones, smack you in the face symbolism, and terrible parts for women. Classic Snyds.

So Batman vs Superman was one of the most anticipated films of 2016 because it would show the first movie meeting of DC’s two biggest male superheroes. It promised the fight of comic book geeks’ fantasies and would pit the square jaw of Henry Cavill against the rockhard abs of Ben Affleck. Plus, it would introduce the world to Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman, Jason Momoa’s Aquaman, Ezra Miller’s The Flash, and Ray Fisher’s Cyborg. After all, Batman vs Superman was just the warm up to next years Justice League movie. Kind of like Captain America and Thor were just whetting the audiences’ appetites before The Avengers came out… but with added good guy fighting. As long as the two titans both got into some sort of homoerotic penis comparison using their fists. Forget a good narrative or sensible structure, that’s what the fanboys really want.
Aside from giving us something in the way of the fight the title offers, there isn’t that much to celebrate in Batman vs Superman. The little there is in the way of story is all over the fucking place and is stitched together so weirdly is difficult to keep up. After all, pesky things like plot and character development only get in the way of large men fucking shit up. This is the kind of film where the ‘wakes up panting and realising it was a dream” thing isn’t a massive Hollywood cliché but a handy-dandy way to get out of a tricky narrative bind. Really it feels like Snyder filmed the fight scenes and then realised he needed someway to glue them together and hastily put some shit together.
One of my favourite reviews for this film described it as “a grown man whacking two dolls together”, which it essentially is. This is Zac Snyder acting out the games he played with his action figures as a child but with a fucking huge budget, special effects, and some crazily beefed men to help him. It’s action porn for those creepy little fanboys who left this film feeling that Gal Gadot’s outfit just wasn’t revealing enough. There is so much wanton destruction here that it leaves little room for actual film stuff. There is no attempt to create a coherent story or develop characters. Everyone is either dark and brooding, evil and brooding, or happy yet brooding. There are so many needless plot twists here that Snyder quickly loses control of the strands and just ties bits together whenever he regains his grasp. The editing does little to help with the confusion and the endless time jumps, flashbacks/forwards, and dream sequences are handled incredibly badly.
Batman vs Superman doesn’t even have the good sense to have a good sense of humour about itself. It’s entirely humourless and any attempts at comedy fall flat and stick out like a sore thumb. It just feels wrong and completely out-of-place: like making jokes at a funeral. This is perhaps the most serious blockbuster about such a stupid topic that has ever existed. You wouldn’t have thought it possible after the dour Man of Steel but Snyder has upped the darkness. By this, of course, I mean he’s got rid of the lighting and literally made everything darker. There is plenty of shadows to show you that evil shit is going down and more than enough close-ups and shaky cam to try to amp up the excitement. Then there’s the endless fucking lens flares. What is this? A fucking JJ Abrams Star Trek movie? One of the notes I wrote whilst watching this just reads “how can something be both dark and light at the same time?” because there is so much light in such a lightless environment. It’s all just ridiculous. This is a film that is all about the visual that it just feels silly. It’s like people who are too into fashion: they’re so much about style over substance that you just can’t take them seriously anymore.
There are a couple of things to love here: Ben Affleck is as good as I’d hoped as Bruce Wayne and I can’t wait to see his solo effort. I don’t think we really needed ANOTHER origin story but this was essentially Batman’s film. Not the greatest thing in a Superman flick but I’ll never complain about more Batffleck. Joining Ben on my list of good things about Dawn of Justice is Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman. She’s a great addition to the cast even though she really didn’t get any chance to tell her story. Then again, in this environment, maybe that actually helped her. Finally, there’s Jeremy Irons as Alfred. This Alfred isn’t the stuffy, wise butler we’re used to but is a hands on kind of guy. He’ll chop your wood, fix you gadgets, and listen in on your secret conversations. I think this could be a great partnership.
And that’s it. The only good things I can think of about this film. Lois Lane (Amy Adams) and, let’s face it, every other woman barely get a look in and exist only to get themselves into a position they need saving from. Lex Luthor is just every other Jesse Eisenberg character we’ve ever seen but with access to a spaceship. The brief glimpses of the other member of the Justice League are just absurd and completely unnecessary from anything but a marketing point of view.  The script is awful: I’m still cringing over Holly Hunter’s peach tea speech. Too much terrible and unsubtle symbolism. Too many failed attempts at religious metaphors. And just too many twists to keep dragging things out. I’m so angry that I ever wasted my time on this shit. It should have been amazing. It could have been fun. I mean imagine what could have happened if these characters were in the MCU. It would have been unbelievable. Yes, it would have ended with something crashing to Earth at the end but it would have been wonderful. Dawn of Justice had so much potential but it just fucked us all. Zac Snyder basically pissed all over our dreams and then probably cut to us waking up panting and sweating.

SUNDAY RUNDOWN – THAT’S WHAT SHE READ

Batman, book haul, comic book, currently reading, DC, George RR Martin, Man Booker, recently watched, Zack Snyder
Today has been all about eating unfortunately. I had a massive Scottish breakfast this morning and. despite not wanting any proper meals, I’ve snacked way more than somebody who feasted on so many calories earlier should. Thankfully, I’m getting back into my regular exercise routine and am at the point where I actually want to do something when I get home from work. It won’t last because it never does. This is why I have to mention my triumphs so much. They’re so few and far between that I need to make a lasting record of them. Otherwise, who would fucking believe me? It’s kind of like the reason I do this rundown. If I don’t write down what I’m reading and buying then how would I ever keep track? I’ve tried to keep a reading list but I always forgot to update it. It meant I could never remember how many books I read in one year. Making it impossible to set myself yearly goals. One day, with the use of this blog, I’ll become an organised and put together human adult… or at least as close as someone with the amount of toy swords and guns possibly can get.

Currently Reading
  • His Bloody Project by Graeme Macrae Burnet

Oh what a difference a week or two makes. When I think back to trying to force myself through those two Stephen King novels I just feel foolish. I’ve finally got back that feeling of wanting to read. This book is so good that I can’t wait to read more. I’m being unsociable on my lunches and reading at work again. Turning off my computer early and getting an hour or so in before bed. Macrae’s Man Booker nominated book is like the literary version of Making a Murderer. It’s fucking awesome. This is an engrossing tale and learning more about Roderick’s life is fantastic. I can’t wait to delve further into his history and psychology.

Recently Purchased

  • A Song of Ice and Fire – books 2 to 5
After buying the beautiful new edition of A Game of Thrones however long ago it was I’ve been trying to justify getting the whole set. Eventually I just decided to go for it. Thanks to Amazon’s 3 paperbacks for £10 I managed to get all 6 books I don’t have incredibly cheap. It also gives me the great excuse to start rereading the series whilst George RR is finishing book 6. I need to recap a few things before then.
  • Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh
The second of my Man Booker shortlisted novels. When the longlist came out I picked this and My Bloody Project as the two I wanted to read most. When it was announced that both had made the shortlist I was super excited. As soon as I’m done with Macrae’s novel then I’m onto this one. We’ll see how many of the other nominees I manage to get through. Probably none if the past is anything to go by.

Recently Watched
  • Batman vs Superman
It was about time I watched this. Now I have. You can read about it on Tuesday.

SUNDAY RUNDOWN – THAT’S WHAT SHE READ

book haul, books, comic book, currently reading, DC, Gene Wilder, recently watched, Roald Dahl, sci-fi, Stephen King
I feel like I’m never going to get over this cold. I’m getting sick of feeling sorry for myself and being so melodramatic all the time. However, I swear that my head has been full of concrete for the past few days. It’s the kind of cold that kids me into thinking I’m okay when I first wake up but comes back with a vengeance as the day goes on. It doesn’t help that the kitchen has been fucking boiling lately. I honestly dream of getting a job that doesn’t require me to work in a similar environment to Satan himself. How long until the comforting chill of Winter? Seriously, I need to get my knitwear out. This sun is doing nothing for me anymore.

Just Finished
  • End of Watch by Stephen King

Finally finished this book this morning and I feel free! I realise that this isn’t the worst novel that Stephen King has written or will ever write. However, I think the massive change of direction in the final piece of the trilogy is just unnecessary. If we’d had paranormal elements through the previous books it would be fine but to suddenly change from crime thrillers to this was just odd.

Recently Purchased

  • The Night Manager by John LeCarre
Despite it boasting Tom Hiddleston in various states of undress, I never watched the BBC’s adaptation of John LeCarre’s The Night Manager. I’ve actually not read any of his books but, as he’s one of my father’s favourite writers, have always felt that I should. So, when Waterstones released an image of their beautiful special edition of this book I couldn’t stop myself. You’ll no doubt see it on my Instagram as soon as it arrives because it is a thing of beauty. I don’t even care if I read it or not.
  • Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl (Penguin Modern Classics Edition)
Back in 2014, Penguin released this Modern Classics version of Dahl’s famous children’s book and there was much controversy around it. The cover photo showed a young girl in heavy make-up that many people declared was too sexual and creepy. Yes, the picture is creepy but I never understood the massive outcry surrounding it. I think. as Penguin stated, the cover highlights the darkness and creepiness that is always bubbling under the surface of Dahl’s novels. I loved the cover and vowed to get my hands on it asap. When it got to the release, I wasn’t quite as passionate and it’s taken until now to finally come good on my promise. 
  • Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky
Sci-fi isn’t really a genre that I tend to read too much of despite how much I love films and TV shows in that area. I tend to find that the bad ones are so bad that it puts me off. However, I was so intrigued by the sounds of this Arthur C Clarke Award winner that I tried desperately to track it down in my local bookshops. As I mentioned in this week’s top 10 list, it turns out this was a much more difficult task than I’d anticipated so I turned to Amazon to help me out. Hopefully this can open me up to a world of books that I generally avoid. 

Recently Watched
  • Suicide Squad
Didn’t think I’d ever watch this film. I did. And I reviewed it on Tuesday.
  • See No Evil, Hear No Evil
When it came to my TBT this week I decided that I wanted to honour Gene Wilder by watching one of his comedies. Unfortunately, as I’m still feeling ill and exhausted, I lacked the will-power to track down a copy of one of the good ones. Maybe I’ll try a better one this week?

Tuesday’s Reviews – Suicide Squad (2016)

comic book, DC, films, fucking awful, meh, review, Will Smith

I’ve recently stated on more than one occasion recently that I wasn’t going to watch Suicide Squad until it came out on DVD. I just didn’t give enough of a shit and, from everything I heard, it seemed fucking awful. I’m not the biggest Will Smith fan these days and Jared Leto’s Joker was obviously nothing more than a marketing ploy. In my mind there were too many wild cards that I just wasn’t sure would work. I mean Cara Delevingne seems like a funny and lovely person but I couldn’t see her in this role. I could see why she would be picked as the manic pixie dream girl in a John Green adaptation but the all powerful Enchantress? I didn’t like the sound of it. Plus, there was too much pressure on Margot Robbie to pull off Harley Quinn. I, like the entire internet, love the character so was worried as soon as the film was announced. It would be such a Warner Bros thing to completely fuck up one of the greatest female characters in the DC universe. Still, surely it couldn’t be as bad as the dreary Man of Steel? I still haven’t seen Batman vs Superman so still have hope that DC can, one day, pull off a Marvel. Would Suicide Squad blow it’s closest MCU equivalent The Avengers out of the water?

I have to admit that, because my expectations for this film were so low, I actually liked it more than I expected. I mean it was a hot mess but it wasn’t as fucking dreadful as I expected. High praise indeed considering how much Zac Snyder has ruined the DC movieverse for me so far. Still, Suicide Squad feels almost indistinguishable from the likes of Man of Steel if you ask me. It’s dark, muddled, and cares more about style than substance. Plus, you can’t help to shake the feeling that without the success of Deadpool recently this film would have been a humour free zone. The hurried inclusion of some banter and one-liners doesn’t really sit well and there is a real lack of quotable lines. Really, for the most part this film couldn’t hold my attention. If it wasn’t for a couple of great performances then this would have been a different review.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Suicide Squad, like The Avengers back in 2012, was cursed with the task of introducing all of these new characters to the audience and each other before shoving them into the middle of a battle with evil. The problem is there are too many villains to introduce and too much exposition needed before we even get to the antagonist and their undefined problems with mankind. Suicide Squad collapses under the weight of everything it needed to do and be. It can’t keep all of its characters in check and it never gets control of its plot. Everything is muddled and incredibly undefined. The editing and direction are both terrible which only succeeds in making the already confusing and holey narrative even more confusing.

It starts off with Amanda Waller (Viola Davis) meeting with some government types and requesting that her Taskforce X be funded in case the next metahuman to find their way to Earth is more hostile. Her plan is to bring together some of the world’s most dangerous criminals and force them to fight for good. The theory being that they are expendable but incredibly talented in the killing and destruction stakes. After some persuasion Waller and Special Forces operative, Rick Flagg (Joel Kinnaman), bring together some big hitters: trained assassin Deadshot (Will Smith); the crazy criminal Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie); the thief Captain Boomerang (Jai Courtney); the fiery-tempered gang leader Diablo (Jay Hernandez); mutant Killer Croc (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje); and the magical Enchantress (Cara Delevingne). When a great evil threatens the city Flagg is instructed to watch over the taskforce with the help of the sword-wielding Katana (Karen Fukuhara) and help them save the Earth.

The problem with this impressive cast-list is that there are too many characters to introduce and Warner Bros know who the big-hitters are going to be. Will Smith was the biggest name here and Harley Quinn is the fan favourite character. As such a lot of time is given to their backstory and motivations whilst their teammates are relegated to reaction shots and awful punchlines. Captain Boomerang made such a non-impression that I kind of forgot he was there and Killer Croc was so wasted the person who wrote the final script deserved to be locked up with him. As for Katana, well I didn’t think it would be possible for another sword-wielding woman to be less exciting than Age of Apocalypse‘s Psylocke but, once again, DC prove that they’ll always be shitter than Marvel.

There’s just too many balls in the air here that you don’t really care about any of the characters. Yes, you kind of feel bad for Deadshot and his attempt to be a good father-figure and, yes, Harley Quinn’s damaging romance with the Joker (Jared Leto) is explored a bit. However, you can’t help but want more. You needed more time for the characters to be themselves and get to know each other. Instead you just get a montagey introduction at the start and then straight action from then on. It’s not enough and it mean the stand-out performances just don’t matter. I mean, Margot Robbie nailed Harley in this film but she was given fuck all in the way of material to work with. She’s proved that she’s a great actor but she barely had anything to work with. Viola Davis is another name who is always associated with greatness but even Waller needed more definition and introduction. She’s a badass, there’s no doubt about it, but we needed to see more of her and understand more about her motivations. She’s just a generic evil government type and it’s not good enough,

Still, it could have been worse. One of these two could have ended up playing the villain who is the character to get the least amount of work in this entire thing. If a comic book movie really is defined by its villain then Suicide Squad is unmemorable, confusing and has undefined aims. Warner Bros seems content to continually release action films that are all about the action without really giving a shit how we get there. Who cares who the antagonist is as long as enough people die and enough buildings get blown up? Well, actually, a fuckload of people care about it. Suicide Squad seems to be ticking off a list of things it needed to include and not giving a damn about whether it works or not. The desire to create darkness but placing everything in shadow is stylistically problematic when it comes to the action sequences. The final showdown is difficult to follow and doesn’t really stand up against most of the existing comic book finales. Even Marvel’s formulaic structure seems more exciting than this guff.

I know I said that Suicide Squad exceeded my expectations but I don’t want to pretend it was any good. It had a lot of potential and could have been great. However, it’s obvious when watching that the initial concept has been fucked with so much that it never stood a chance. It’s a not very well kept secret that a lot of Jared Leto’s scenes were left out of the final cut and there are other obvious moments where things got cut short. This deserved to be a better film because Warner Bros needed a hit after two middling releases from the DCEU. It wasn’t fair to ask Suicide Squad to make amends for the wounds that Zac Snyder’s shit gave to us but this piece of garbage wouldn’t even have repaired a paper cut.  If this gets a second chance in the form of a sequel I suggest that the bigwigs back off a bit and let someone who understands comic book movies take control. If Marvel make it look so easy then how can DC continue to fail so hard?

TBT – Batman Begins (2005)

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This week marks the 10thanniversary of the film that launched one of the most popular film franchises of all time. 2005 was the first time since 1989 that it was OK to be a film fan who also loves Batman. Batman Beginsset the trend that has plagued Hollywood ever since: the dark comic book reboot. Batman had already been the star of 4 films since in the 16 years prior to the release of Christopher Nolan came along and each subsequent movie had made the supposed dark knight more of a laughing stock. The hero, first created by Bob Kane in 1939, was patiently waiting for the chance to show what he could really do and Nolan and co-writer David S Goyer knew the only way to go was to be super-serious . Nolan’s film was the dark comic book movie that Tim Burton wished he could have made in 1989 and it was a refreshing change. Of course, now it’s just par for the course but Batman Begins was a revelation in 2005. It was fucking exciting.

Batman Beginsstarts a afresh with Batman’s origin and assumes that its audience knows fuck all about the motivation behind Bruce Wayne’s double life. Drawing a lot of inspiration from classic storyline Batman: Year One, Nolan introduces us to the tragedy that shattered Bruce’s childhood and the path he took to give it a positive conclusion. Batman Beginsalmost tries to remove the comic book traces from one of the most popular superheroes as Nolan makes his Gotham City a very realistic pit of poverty, crime and greed. Of course, the Batman myth is never going to be a plausible one but Nolan came the closest to make it happen. His re-imagining of the journey from orphaned young boy to night-time vigilante has such depth that it almost felt like the obvious reaction to your parents murder was dressing up in a cape.
Nolan’s greatest success with the first film in his Dark Knight trilogy was how subtle he was. Batman Beginsforgoes the superhero staple of relying too heavily on action sequences. Nolan places more of a focus on story and character. The film is as much of a success in terms of drama as it does in sheer entertainment. The final act contains the obligatory good vs bad showdown but there is a distinct lack of high-tech action on display. The action sequences use CGI sparingly yet still offer enough visual spectacles to keep explosion nerds more than happy. It has all of the elements you need for a comic book movie but without the blinding sheen that Joel Schumacher dripped over his efforts. It’s understated, it’s held back, and it’s bloody good.
The film features the type of jumpy narrative that Nolan had used so effectively in his previous film Mementoas we piece together Bruce’s past. We first meet the grown Wayne (Christian Bale) after he was arrested trying to steal a crate of his company’s goods. After being visited by the mysterious Henri Ducard (Liam Neeson), Bruce treks to the mountain-top retreat of the League of Shadows, an organisation that promises to help him on his path for vengeance. Although, this assistance comes at too large a price, as the League’s leader, Ra’s al Ghul, wants Bruce to help him destroy the city his parents helped build.
Returning alone, Bruce sets out on a more righteous path by defending the people of Gotham from mob boss Carmine Falcone (Tom Wilkinson) and his dangerous ally Dr Jonathan Crane (Cillian Murphy). Crane’s alter ego, the Scarecrow, is planning to tear Gotham apart using his own brand of hallucinogenic drug. Working alongside police sergeant James Gordan (Gary Oldman) and scientist Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman), Bruce must stop Crane whilst still keeping his identity a secret.
When it comes down to it, Batman Beginsis the only film of the trilogy in which Batman himself really shines. Christian Bale, growly voice aside, did a great job at getting to the real heart of the character. Considering the film is all about Batman’s origin, the actual murder of Bruce’s parents is fairly perfunctory. It has been dealt with so many times that Nolan gets it out of the way as efficiently as possible. Instead he focuses on the emotional and psychological resonance of that one moment. We see the young Bruce being comforted by a young Jim Gordan and the college-aged Bruce determined to make his parent’s killer pay. This is richer and deeper depiction of Bruce Wayne than we have been treated to yet.
My number one main quibble with Batman Beginsis the romance that Nolan clumsily inserts into the narrative. I’m not saying that romance and Batman shouldn’t go hand-in-hand but I don’t think it works here. That’s partly thanks to the complete lack of chemistry between Bale and Katie Holmes, who plays his childhood friend Rachel Dawes. On the whole though, the romance just feels like a misstep in a story that is about one man’s struggle to work out who he is. It seems unnecessary and drags the already bloated plot out even further. It is a long film, after all, and does take some time to get going. Nolan never really loses his audience but there is a lot that could have been cut to streamline the process. The lack of Katie Holmes could have done a great deal in his favour.
Although, the rest of the cast do a pretty sterling job and, with supporting cast of the likes of Gary Oldman, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman, Nolan’s work is treated with respect and care. None of them necessarily get a great deal to do but each bring what emotional depth to the narrative as possible. The performances, though not major, are reliable and memorable enough that you want to see more from them in the future. Of course, it is the bad guys that usually stick in your mind in these sorts of films and Batman Begins is no different. Cillian Murphy is both terrifying and comical in his portrayal of the freak Scarecrow. He’s still one of my favourite parts of the trilogy and I’m still upset he didn’t get bigger roles in the sequels.

Batman Beginsis not the best example of a comic book film that you will ever see. Nor is it, in the minds of most people, the greatest in its own trilogy. However, it was undoubtedly an important film at the time and, despite a few missteps here and there, it was the reboot that the Dark Knight desperately needed in Hollywood. It made Christian Bale the true A lister than he is to this day and it showed the world that the director of Mementowas truly a great director. Just think where we would be without it.