Top 10 Wen-sday: Top 10 fictional characters I’d want in my zombie apocalypse squad

Top 10 Wen-sday: Top 10 fictional characters I’d want in my zombie apocalypse squad

These Top 10 Wednesdays really sneak up on me so I’m always caught off guard. I don’t know why I’m so shit at remembering considering it happens at the start of every new month. I try and spend the month thinking about the next one but still feel unprepared when the day finally arrives. This month I wanted to celebrate the upcoming ghoulish celebrations by making it Halloween themed but my proposed Top 10 Alternative Halloween films list just didn’t happen. So I’ve decided to keep that for closer to the day and have instead decided to delve into a topic that is fairly controversial for me. I think I’ve made it clear that I’m fucking bored by zombies these days but, at a time like this. you can’t really get away from the little buggers. So it begs the question, if the day ever comes when the undead decide to fight back who do I really want by my side? What I’m essentially doing is creating the cast list for my ultimate dream zombie apocalypse movie. And I know what you’re thinking, why not just find 10 characters who have survived zombie apocalypses? Well, that would be both boring and not as much fun. So, I’ve avoided that wherever possible. It’s going to be great. But probably not. You know who these things go.


Ten: Gillian Holtzmann

 A bit of a weird one I must admit because she’s mostly prepped for dealing with ghosts. However, look back at her fucking awesome gun sequence in Ghostbusters and you’ll see she’s pretty handy with firearms. She could easily change her targets if need be. Plus, you need people who are gonna be fun if you’re the last remaining humans on Earth. I mean I love Andrew Lincoln so much but Rick Grimes is so fucking miserable and annoying. I’d have given him up to the Walkers many seasons ago. Holtzmann would put the “ha” in zombie ha-pocalypse. Also, you need more than death in a zombie movie. The sexual tension between me and the Holtz would be palpable. Or, more likely, entirely in my head and making everyone else uncomfortable. But you know, subplot.

Nine: Rupert Giles

I know, I know. Why would you pick someone from the Buffyverse and not pick Buffy herself? Well, think about it. Buffy is great, undoubtedly, but you have to spend every day with these people. Every day. Look at Buffy in season 5 and beyond. She moans… a lot. That would be super annoying after a while. Yes, she’s the chosen one but why does she have to be so holier than thou about it? Yes, Giles may have a propensity for getting bashed on the head every time he tries to fight someone, at least he knows a fuckload about the forces of evil. Surely if there’s anyone that could find a way to end the zombie plight then it’d be Giles. Besides, every zombie film has that one person who always falls into a zombie trap and needs rescuing. If I don’t provide that person then it would end up being me.

Eight: Minerva McGonagall

 Minerva is old, make no mistake, but she’s a badass motherfucker and I want her on my team. Just look at her in Deathly Hallows, she’s a queen. She faces off against Snape, holds her own in the Battle of Hogwarts and says two of the best lines in the final two films. Minerva is a powerful witch that, when Dumbledore was alive, was always overlooked. She’s amazing. Plus, you know, Maggie Smith. 

 Seven: Sherlock

In all honesty I wasn’t sure about including Sherlock on the list. He’s hardly an action hero who would be able to stand up to the zombies. However, he is the kind of guy who could help with strategy. He’d know how to keep people safe and where to get the supplies we need. He’d be the one that would wind everyone up but would ultimately save everyone’s life. Brawn isn’t everything you know. Zombies shouldn’t be the only ones looking for braaaaaains.

 Six: Obi Wan

 There were a lot of people from Star Wars that I could have chosen to be part of my dream team but there were more that I knew wouldn’t work: Luke and Yoda would be far too annoying; Chewie would no doubt growl loudly enough to alert a horde to our presence; Darth Vader would definitely kill you given the chance; Anakin is annoying as fuck; and Mace Windu was clearly shit as shown in his fucking stupid death. It essentially came down to Leia, Han and Obi Wan. I chose Obi Wan because I’m a bigger fan of Ewan McGregor’s face than I am Carrie Fisher and Han Solo without Chewie just didn’t seem right. Besides, he was a pretty big deal during the Clone Wars so General Kenobi would be a fine edition to the team.

Five: Ellen Ripley

Ripley is often considered to be the greatest female character of all time and it’s easy to see why. She’s an amazing character who has lived through enough alien encounters to make it obvious that she’d survive this. Ripley is exactly the kind of person you need around when things get tough and it doesn’t seem as though she’d be too annoying to be around. If anything I think she’d be my sassy, cynical soulmate. We’d be BFFs in no time. I’m positive.

Four: John McClane

Earlier this year I was asked in an interview “which fictional character would you most identify with?” As I’d watched Die Hard a couple of days before I could only think of this guy but I think it’s a pretty good answer. John McClane is the kind of guy I’d want to be around in a crisis. Now I’m not talking about Die Hard 4 era John McClane. I’m talking 80s god John McClane. The guy who single-handedly took down a whole gang of German thieves. Imagine what he could do in a zombie apocalypse? I mean he’s a man who doesn’t mind being dirty, he thinks on his feet, and he’s handy with the weapons. Exactly the kind of man who’d get you through a zombie infestation.

Three: Brienne of Tarth

 I realise that there are very few lists on this blog that don’t contain Brienne of Tarth now but there’s a reason for that. The woman is a fucking badass. She’s handy with a sword, fucking huge, and just really awesome. I’d love to be stuck with her at the end of days. She’d protect me and help me get things off high shelves. I mean she fought a bear and lived for fuck’s sake. Why wouldn’t you want her around. And I’m pretty sure Podrick would just follow her around anyway and, as we know, I a fan of the Brienne-Pod friendship. It would add some much needed sentiment to my Z-movie.
  
Two: Jack Bauer

So I’ve saved the best til last. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory. Jack Bauer is handy in a crisis and knows how to stick to a deadline. If there’s anything we learnt from the 9 seasons of 24 it’s that Jack Bauer can turn anything into a weapon which would be incredibly handy given it’s the end of the world and supplies would probably be limited. The guy’s got skills. He’s also incredibly attractive so it only increases my chances for romance in my zombie movie. You know how it is: I nearly get eaten by zombies, Jack Bauer saves me, he proceeds to shout abuse and threats at me and, obviously, one thing leads to another. This shit writes itself.

One: Groot

Fun fact: the game I’ve played most on Steam is Plants vs Zombies. I used to play is as I was writing my essays so it would be open for hours on end whether I played it or not. As such I’ve managed to get 190 hours of play recorded on my account. This means I know a fair bit about zombies by now. If there’s one thing I know it’s that they don’t fair well against plants. Therefore, the best man to destroy them is a massive fucking tree. Not only was he the greatest thing in Guardians of the Galaxy but he would surely have the power to stop zombies making their way across your garden. He is Groot. I am Groot. We are Groot.

SUNDAY RUNDOWN – THAT’S WHAT SHE READ

SUNDAY RUNDOWN – THAT’S WHAT SHE READ

Picking the right book has a massive impact on everything. Okay, that’s incredibly melodramatic but this weeks selection has left me in a bit of a reading slump because I’m just not inspired. In fact, it’s making me quite angry about how much lost potential there is. It makes me want to pick up a pen and write the book it should have been. As much as I don’t want to look down on YA fiction I find that I just can’t help it. It’s obviously an age thing or a literature student thing. I’ve been reading great works of fiction for a long time now and I just find YA so childish. I admire anything that gets young people (and older I guess) reading but I just wish they didn’t speaking down to their readers so much. Unless, YA now means anyone under the age of 10? Adding a few swears into a childish book does not making it more adult. It just changes it from a U certificate to a PG. Young people aren’t idiots so can YA writers please give them some fucking credit? Surely they want what all readers want. Well written/developed characters. YA ignores depth in favour of plot twists and it’s fucking stupid. But this is fast turning into a mini-rant so I’ll leave it there.
Currently Reading
  • The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness
Had this one on my shelf for a while and only started reading it because my twin threatened to steal it from me. It’s just the same old issue with me and YA. I don’t get it. The characters seems so unrealistic and the issues raised are just inconsequential. I mean, I get that young people worry about romance and stuff but when I was a 16 year old I’m certain I wasn’t anywhere near as whiny and ridiculous as the characters on the pages of these books. For The Rest of Us, Patrick Ness has decided to focus on the ‘normal’ people that are living on the outskirts of a major apocalypse. It’s like that Buffy episode “The Zeppo” that followed Xander on his coffee run instead of the battle to close the Hellmouth. It’s an interesting idea except for the fact that these supposedly “normal” people really aren’t. It sounds like a silly point to criticise but this feels very much like fiction. Plus, because it’s a parody, it’s sort of silly fiction. Everything is tongue-in-cheek and Ness is regularly stopping the narrative to give a massive wink to his audience that I can’t get to immersed with the story. It feels like a wasted opportunity to do something clever. I wish it had been done in a more serious manner and not in such a YA way.
Recently Purchased
  • The Woman Next Door by Yewande Omotoso
Another find thanks to Instagram. Saw a picture of this on Penguin Books page and fell in love with it. It’s so bright and beautiful that I almost didn’t care what it was about. Luckily, it sounds like a pretty good read. Two elderly widows, one white and one black, live next door to each other but don’t get along. One day the two women find themselves brought together and, amidst all the bickering, they soon find themselves softening towards the other. Can the octogenarians become friends or are they too long in the tooth? I can’t wait to find out. 

Recently Watched
  • Captain America: Civil War
Oh my god, I finally saw it and I’m still getting my head around it. Was the source of great debtate between me and a coworker yesterday. My thoughts on this will fill a Tuesday review and a Monday mini-rant. So that’s something to look forward to. 
  • Eurovision song contest
As a proud Eurovision fan I happily watched last night but, with every passing year, I find that the entries aren’t exciting me too much. I miss the old days when people weren’t afraid of having fun and being a bit camp and fun. Now, for some reason, the contest is seen as a way to make a genuine presence in the music industry. It just doesn’t do it for me I’m afraid. Plus, Australia? I mean it was getting to be a massive stretch of the Euro bit anyway but this is insane. 
SUNDAY RUNDOWN – THAT’S WHAT SHE READ

SUNDAY RUNDOWN – THAT’S WHAT SHE READ

Today has been a horrible day at work. If I could avoid working a bank holiday weekend again then I would. So I’m in a bit of a rush to finish this as I’m supposed to be editing my future brother-in-law’s personal statement for a job. I say editing: I’ve basically started rewriting it all. It’s why nobody should ask me to read anything for them. I always assume I’ve got a better way with words than they do. The reading thing hasn’t been going well this week as I’ve just bought a load of old games to play. Games have beaten literature in the battle for my spare time. Heavy Rain is an amazing story even if the game play is a little frustrating at times. Mirror’s Edge is as great as I remember but I think I’m a shitter gamer now. I’ve fallen off so many buildings. Next on my list is Beyond Two Souls but I want to finish Heavy Rain first. I may be late to these parties but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a good time. If only I could also keep reading. I’m just so tired at the moment.

Currently Reading
  • Twisted River by Siobhan MacDonald (Kindle edition)
Not sure what to think about this but it’s pretty easy to read. Something that I really need at the moment. I’m wanting to do everything except read right now. I’m not sure I approve of the dual perspectives and it kind of feels like a crime-y version of The Holiday. We all know my feelings on that film so I don’t have high hopes for this book. 
Recently Purchased
  • New Mutants (1983-1991) #98 by Fabian Nicieza, Rob Liefeld (Kindle edition)
Bought a lot of comic/graphic novel type things this week. Starting with the comic that contains the first appearance of Deadpool. Although, that actually had nothing to do with my purchase. It also happens to be the first appearance of Domino who I’ve been getting more obsessed with her ever since it was announced that Cable would star in Deadpool 2. Basically she’s fantastic and I want to be her. 
  • X-Force: Sex and Violence (X-Force Volume) by Christopher Yost, Craig Kyle, Dell’Otto, Gabriele (Kindle edition)
Another Domino story but this time she’s teaming up with Wolverine. Living up to its name, there’s plenty of violence and sex in this graphic novel. The story isn’t great or very memorable but it’s interesting. The pair also work well together.
  • X-Men Origins: Gambit #1 (X-Men Origins (2008-2010)) by Mike Carey, David Yardin, Ibraim Roberson (Kindle edition)
A one shot about everyone’s favourite Cajun mutant. I’ve always loved Gambit and, thanks to the 90s cartoon, he’s been my favourite member of the team for years. I really can’t wait to see Channing Tatum play him on screen so I decided I’d reacquaint myself with him. 
  • X-Men Origins: Beast #1 (X-Men Origins (2008-2010)) by Mike Carey, J.K. Woodward (Kindle edition)
Another of my all time favourite X-Men is Beast and it has always upset me that he’s never done well out of film adaptations. Kelsey Grammar? That kid from About a Boy? For god’s sake. Beast is an amazing character with a great deal of potential. Potential that has never been realised on screen. I’m glad this was recommended to me after I bought Gambit


Recently Watched
  • Absolutely Anything
Tuesday. Tuesday. Gonna hear about this on Tuesday. 
  • Little Britain
This appeared on my Netflix page when I was in the need for something easy to watch whilst I get ready for work. I loved this show when I was younger now it mostly makes me cringe. 
  • Buffy
After watching the early seasons of Little Britain again, I’ve rediscovered my love of Anthony Head. I’ve been pretty madly in love with Giles for many years so have taken to watching my favourite Giles episodes again. It’s pretty wonderful if I’m honest.