Film Review – Marry Me (2022)

films, reviews

Rating: 2 out of 5.

Hollywood is a strange place when it comes to beauty standards. This isn’t news but every so often a film will come along that pushes me to the brink. Like when I Feel Pretty tried to convince us that Amy Schumer was fat. Or how they keep casting the phenomenally beautiful Kate Winslet in the dowdy role. Not jut Kate Winslet. Hollywood is so obsessed with only casting beautiful people that they often have to stretch reality for the sake of the story. Take Marry Me. One of the major plot points of the film is that Jennifer Lopez marrying the age-appropriate and handsome Owen Wilson is considered a sign of madness.

Not just that but plenty of people insinuate that Wilson’s character is way too ugly to even be in the presence of J Lo. I mean, I know she’s hot but Owen Wilson is a handsome man. This film acts as if he’s the fucking Elephant Man. The whole premise is utterly ridiculous. If you randomly picked out Owen Wilson in a crowd and married him on a whim, most people would be ecstatic about it. He may be in his 50s but he looks great. There can’t be many people who would kick him out of bed.

But that’s the problem with Hollywood. They refuse to make films unless people are unquestionably hot. Even the people in the less attractive roles. Nobody in this film is unattractive. It’s absolutely ridiculous that they’ve got so many of good-looking actors playing the dowdy roles. What’s wrong with people who just look like average? Are you telling me that they couldn’t find someone to play an average looking single dad? Somebody who isn’t know for being handsome? It would have made this film seem less far-fetched for a start.

Of course, it was always going to be a struggle because none of this made a lot of sense. First off, who would sign off on a tour that kicked off with the singer getting married to her boyfriend to promote their new song? I get that it would be great promotion but who the fuck is trying to buy tickets to any other night but the first one? Secondly, what kind of person responds to being cheated on by marrying the first person to hold up a sign saying “Marry Me” Thirdly, what kind of manager stands by and watches their client marry the first person to hold up a sign saying “Marry Me” Fourthly, what mentally stable man agrees to marry a pop star because she looked like she was having a difficult time?

Okay, I’m not going to deconstruct the whole film like this but it’s safe to say there are a lot of issues with the story. Despite the convoluted and stupid premise, Marry Me is just like every other romantic comedy. There is no way you can’t figure out how it’s going to end. So much of this film hinges on your finding Jennifer Lopez and Owen Wilson charming enough that you don’t care how basic it is. Thankfully, they’re pretty cute together otherwise I don’t think I could have finished it. It’s not the worst rom-com out there but it’s certainly not a good film.

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