I’m going to be honest with you. I really don’t give a fuck about my schedule this week. I was all set to sit down and write a review of His Bloody Project when I found out that I didn’t get the job I was so excited about. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think it was in the bag but to hear the words “lack of experience” again just fucking killed me. So I’ve gone off book for one time only and am going to have another of my famous rants mixed with a little self-loathing and depression. I apologise in advance because this post isn’t really going to offer a great deal to the world except insight into the world of a 28 year old job seeker who’s slowly losing hope. It’s just that I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to act positive and being grateful for any opportunity and, really, I can’t be fucking bothered to hide my true thoughts anymore. I’m full of those typical post-rejection feelings of sadness, anger and fear so I need to get them out somewhere. I can promise you it’ll be melodramatic and highly irrational. Best not to take too much notice.
I’ve talked about job hunting on this blog before but I’ve tried not to let my increasing pessimism creep into it. I know there are plenty of people out there who are in a much worse situation than I am but it doesn’t hurt any less. I worked so fucking hard to get ready for these interviews and to be told that, despite being a strong candidate, they went with the person with more experience sucked away any remaining confidence that I might have had. I graduated from university nearly 5 years ago and I’ve been trying to start my career since then. It’s getting to the point that I don’t know what to do anymore. When should I accept that behind all of this “we regret to inform you” bullshit is the real message: you’re never going to make it. How long do I keep holding on to this delusion before I accept that it will never happen?
As you can tell, it’s getting harder and harder to push myself into applying for jobs because the whole process just makes me feel like shit. Job seeking really is degrading. In order to get the chance to interview for a job, even a basic one, we are forced to jump through hoops and put on a show. It’s the job world equivalent of throwing a piece of food to a group of starving people and watching them fight to the death for it. It’s the fucking Hunger Games or Battle Royale. And it sucks because, as much as the candidates are desperate to find a job, it all comes down the the person the company thinks is a better fit. During my time as manager I interviewed for a few positions and I know how hard it is from the other end. Still doesn’t make it any easier to accept the decision.
The problem is, when it’s a choice between a complete novice or someone with experience then the answer is clear. It’s the safer choice. However, think about all of the potential great employees out there right now having been passed over for someone with more experience. I know from my time at my current job that experience doesn’t always equal a great employee. A couple of of recent hires sounded fucking awesome on paper but are actually just awful people to work with. (Nobody I was personally responsible for hiring by the way.) So forgive me if I don’t think experience is a fucking great indicator of someone’s potential. But it’s all that matters for employers. So how do the people without experience get it? Well, by doing it for free obviously. It comes back to the same old story. Those people who are able to work for nothing are the people who get the jobs in the end. I’d love to take some time off and work in as many agencies as possible to learn as much as possible but I have to earn.
So, my choices at the moment are to either blindly keep applying for jobs and hoping that I come up against people with as little experience as me one day. Or to go for a job I don’t really want to do. What a choice. Really, all I want to do right now is cry and eat a shitload of carbs. At the start of this post I talked about how degrading it is going for an interview but it’s not even the worst part of the process. No, that part is actually having to write and thank the people who don’t think you’re good enough. Like when the fired candidates leave The Apprentice by thanking Alan Sugar for his time. It’s protocol but it’s fucking humiliating.
I know I should be super grateful and proud that I made it so far but it just feels so pointless right now. It’s getting harder and harder to start out in any industry so it feels like a waste of time to try. Over the years I’ve applied for loads of jobs and the vast majority haven’t bothered to get back to me at all. I know it’s hard from the other point of view but they seem to forget that people are counting on these applications. I understand that it’s the way the world works but it feels so inhumane. I mean how can a company start a rejection email with “hi” and feel that’s okay? It suggests a lack of empathy that only someone who’s happy and secure in their job can afford to have. Companies have the luxury of forgetting about the people they don’t hire whilst the unsuccessful candidates have to live with the negatives of the decision. It’s not the company’s fault because they are doing what’s best for them but the system could be less harsh.
Although, no matter what I say here, that’s the system we work in. And it’s not like I blame the company. It was their choice and that’s all there is to it. I just feel like there is something so disheartening about the whole process. I and everyone else who failed to get the job now have to go through it all again but with our self-confidence slightly smaller than before. And it fucking sucks. Still, I’ll always go through it again because I have to. I’m currently in a job that I fucking hate but can’t seem to be able to leave. I’d go to another shitty temporary job but that just seems futile. As much as I hate the process I have to go through I don’t have a fucking choice but to jump through their fucking hoops again and again. It’s just a shame that PE was never my strongest subject.