I’m not really in the mood to rant today… well I am but just not about things that I can, or indeed want, to talk about here. What I will say is that I hate the vast majority of humanity right now. Now whilst I’m sure that shockingly hyperbolic statement fits in perfectly with the image I’ve created for myself on this blog, I have a good excuse. A member of my family is having a hard time at work for absolutely fucking ridiculous reasons. It’s something that makes no sense and is being dealt with in such an absurd manner that my inner Bruce Banner is slowly starting to lose control. I realise in this scenario I’m obscenely biased but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. The problem comes down to the basic idiocy and childishness of other people.
The main problem arises from the misguided belief that people are ‘special’. We’ve been brought up to believe that we can do anything and that, in turn, has inflated our sense of self-importance to the extent that we all think, in one way or another, that we’re noteworthy. Whether it be in a positive or a negative way, everyone wants to go through life thinking they stand out. Unfortunately, this is mostly bullshit. Now I’m not saying individuals are not unique but uniqueness is different from being ‘special’. You are a one-off: that can’t be denied. However, everything you think makes you stand-out probably isn’t that different to everyone else. And it’s time people started to realise this.
It’s taken a long fucking time but I think I can say, with a certain amount of wavering and uncertainty, that I’m pretty comfortable with the person I am. I know what my flaws are and I’m constantly working to rectify them. I know what I have to offer and am always striving to do my best. I am finally able to embrace the aspects of my personality and lifestyle that I was afraid to show for such a long time. In fact, looking back at who I used to be makes me cringe more often than not because I used to be an even bigger fucking dickhead than I am now. I’m not perfect but I’m, mostly, really fucking happy.
Now I’d say that something that makes me so comfortable in my own skin is that I have enough of a self-awareness to know I’m not that different to everyone else. In the grand scheme of things, I’m such an unimportant part of the universe. I’ve achieved things that I’m super proud of but I’ve had a pretty easy life. Yes, I may walk around with a certain confidence depending on what song is playing at the time but I’m under no illusion that I’m entitled to a great deal. I mostly just want to be happy, respected and never more than 5 feet away from a food source. Unfortunately, this isn’t a sentiment that everyone shares. We all have our off days, obviously, but there is a section of our society who believe they mean more than other people. This could be for any number of reasons but it creates a horrible consequence of petty meanness. As someone who does all she can to avoid conflict unless absolutely necessary, this isn’t really a great environment for me,
To take a recent example, today at work a woman who’s been there for fucking years started arguing with me in front of a customer. It was over something incredibly trivial and she just started laying into me as she was serving. It was embarrassing. Not because I was being admonished for a mistake but because the poor customer was stood there witnessing the whole thing. What kind of person thinks their need to feel superior is more important than performing their job adequately? In the end I calmly told her there was no need to speak to me that way on the shop floor and made a joke about my own stupidity. Still, if I’d been that customer I’d have been fucking livid.
We’re living in an age where there is a shitload of competition for everything so there’s the sense that we’ll get lost in the crowd. Everyone wants to think they’re more important. However, if we’re all the main character in our own stories then aren’t we, more often than not, just the supporting character in somebody else’s? Everyone has talents and quirks. Just like everyone has their problems. We’re all just blindly stumbling through life trying to make some kind of impact on the world. Some people’s impact will be bigger than others but that’s okay. So can we all just calm the fuck down… she says somewhat hypocritically at the end of her rant.