It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas… is going to drive me insane.

When it comes to favourite times of the year I realise that most people pick the month of their birth. March is great an all but the months towards the end of the year are perfect. I love this season. I adore the knitwear, the ability to wear tights without being judged, and the boots. The people I work with complain about the fact that it’s dark when we get to work and its equally as gloomy when we leave. Not me: I fucking love the shorter days. I’m super pale and get irritated by the sun. Summer is absolute hell for me. Winter is the perfect time to stay inside, curled up with a book. There’s very little that I dislike about Winter. Although, there is one worrying trend that I can’t fucking stand.

Halloween finished two days ago and already we are being assaulted with all sorts of Christmas nonsense. For fuck’s sake, we haven’t even had Bonfire Night yet: why the hell should I give a shit about party dresses, turkeys and presents yet? I have two birthdays to buy for before I get serious about Christmas presents. I don’t need to be reminded daily about just how many weeks there are until the big day. I understand that Christmas is a big deal but do we need to make it last so fucking long? It’s one day out of 365. What is happening to the world?

Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas. I may be 27 but I have the heart and soul of an under-10. Whilst playing Michael Buble’s Christmas album on repeat, I get excited about decorating the tree (even if it’s never how I want it to look) and I love buying and wrapping presents. I’ve already mentioned how fucking awesome I am at buying for people and I always love the moment when you find that perfect gift. Despite my annoyance with the elongated celebrations, I’m actually ahead of myself this year. I’ve already sorted presents for 2/3 people. Normally I’d still be looking well into December. I’m feeling fairly smug.

However, I still can’t stand this incessant Christmas theme we have to put up with for the two months preceding the 25th December. I admit that last December wasn’t the greatest time for me personally or professionally. However, I can’t deny that with every passing year I become a little more disillusioned with the holiday period. As I mentioned last week, I have a difficult time being exposed to something for a long period of time. I end up hating it before too long. If I have to spend months at a time thinking about Christmas then I lose all the fucks I would have given about it on the day. I’m getting to that point where I want to smash baubles and set fire to all the tinsel.

It doesn’t help that I work in a job that has to start worrying about Christmas before Summer. I’ve had to start thinking about Christmas puddings, mince pies and fucking cranberries for a good few weeks now and I’m starting to get yuletide fatigue. I haven’t even eaten my first mince pie of the year and I know I never want to see one again. I’m already exhausted by the whole affair and it hasn’t even started yet.

Any of you who’ve been around these parts for a while now will know that I consider myself something of a Christmas film connoisseur. Last year, however, I didn’t really indulge in them. I’d got so jaded by the time December arrived that I just wanted to avoid any more festive nonsense. It made me sad when Christmas came around and I’d only made an effort to watch Muppet Christmas Carol (obviously) and Die Hard. It’s not good enough.

Maybe part of the problem is the shittiness of modern day Christmas films. I mean when was the last time we had a decent December release? We’ve had three fucking Nativity films. How does that compare to Miracle on 54th Street? The last Christmas film to get excited about was Elf and that’s 12 years old. TWELVE!? The film industry isn’t even trying anymore because they know idiots with kids are always going to watch feelgood films at that time of year.

That’s the problem with Christmas. People will spend money on any old shit. Everyone knows it. Paste the word Christmas onto something and you’ll make a fucking fortune. Things seem more magical and special at Christmas. It’s why Jack Frost (the Michael Keaton one) is seen as life-affirming instead of fucking horrifying, At Christmas, you can make a film with a bunch of annoying kids and, because it’s set at Christmas, people will decide it’s so good you have to make two sequels. Nobody gives a shit because you’ll make a shit ton of money regardless. Parents have to do something with their kids during the holidays. Let’s be honest, the best Christmas film this year is going to be Force Awakens and I doubt Old Saint Nick is going to be popping up in that very often.

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